26 April 2010

For all you coffee freaks

Here's to your recovery

I think this was the turning point in my own head as I decided not to bother with caffeine (and concluded my aversion to taking pills had some sort of bizarre merit). When I heard this:

"George Carlin: I was on a talk show recently and the host asked me, said ‘what do you think about the dope problem?’ And I said, ‘definitely, I feel we have too many dopes.’ No question about it. That’s why we had a drug problem, I really feel. Because, like, everybody has access to drugs and we’re all kind of just dopey.

We’re just human beings, little protoplasm walking around, shaking hands -- ‘How are you, Phil? Gimme a piece of lettuce.’ You know, no real big thing, we’re just kind of dopey folks and we have all these DRUGS available to us. You know, that’s why there’s a DRUG problem. There’s all of those DRUG stores. Every three of four blocks there’s a big sign: DRUGS. Open all night, DRUGS. Free Delivery, DRUGS. Cut rate, DRUGS. It’s the biggest thing on their sign, cosmetics, sundries, DRUGS. And the pharmacist is always stoned, ever noticed that? Check his eyes. He’s experimenting with something. How come he can never fill a prescription right away? You know, he always gives you that ‘better come back in about an hour. I can’t even read the bastard.’

It’s no accident that we’re drug oriented, really. Big drug companies got us that way and they’d like to keep us that way and that’s a simple thing. They start you early with the oral habit. Little orange flavored Aspirin for children, two in the mouth, son. Something wrong with your head? Two in the mouth, remember that, head, mouth.

These are orange, they’ll be other colors later on. Even named it after a saint to throw you off, you know. It’s all right, son. Two in the mouth. Saint Joseph. Remember Pop-a-chox? Guy goes to the dance when he’s thirteen. ‘How’s your head?’ ‘Two in the mouth, man, you know.’ Mom’s got her fix. Coffee freaks running around.

When they talk about drugs they don’t talk about all of them, that’s the problem. They don’t mention coffee -- the low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you. But there are coffee freaks. And they’re walking around, nobody worried about it or anything. Mrs. Olsen never tells you about that mild speed lift, you know, because she’s shooting freeze-dried Folger’s.

You've seen the coffee freak in the office haven't you? The guy who drops 8 or 9 cups every morning. Always in a good mood. Hi how are you, warm that up for you, okay. Always in a nice mood until the coffee urn breaks. Then he's the first cat going, what do you mean broken man, turn it over man, plug it in, nevermind put some water in it, holy shit turn the power on. Then he goes out and scores because he's the one who's hooking. I know it's just a dopey example, but that's the beginning of it.

(the second half on the link is the birth control routine from the 70s as well. "Oh that's what you're doing at home...Well, we're keeping a record of it here in the store...late at night I read them).
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